A Voluntary Muscle

In a 12 step recovery meeting a few days ago I heard this:  The tongue in not an involuntary muscle.   This really caught my attention because I often have to apologize and/or make amends for stuff that I say.  Many people say that a couple of hours after a hostile conversation they wish they had thought to say some cutting remark at the time.  This is not me.  I'm fairly quick on the draw when it comes to this sort of thing.  A comment comes to mind and is out of my mouth before I hardly have a chance to think.  Hence the frequent apologies and amends.  A quick tongue is not necessarily a gift.

As an aside, I'm having trouble coming up with a title for this post.  "The Tongue" or " A Quick Tongue" would probably draw the wrong crowd, don't you think?

But, when I do bite back a caustic comment, I can't think of anything else to say so I say nothing.  I'm so busy resisting the delivery of a harmful retort the moment passes.  It might take me a day or two to figure out how I'm feeling and how to express it in a sober manner.  There's the rub: A sober manner.  This recovery stuff is difficult!  It is much more than putting down the drink or drug.  It is also trying to adopt the principles of recovery and make them a part of my character.  On a daily basis.  Every day.

So!  When I'm tempted to spout off I'll try to remember that my tongue is a voluntary muscle.  I don't say anything by accident.  Even when the shit-stirrer calls me and says something designed to goad me into saying something I shouldn't.  Even when I'm tired and have nothing left to give to another.  Even when I'm frustrated and/or overwhelmed.  Even when someone is all but begging me to let them have it with both barrels.  My tongue is always a voluntary muscle.  Well, that sucks.